Accepting Things As They Are to Move Through Anxious Moments

Accepting things as they are and going with the flow is not an initial response everyone has to adversity. In fact, it may be hard to do during anxious moments and stressful times.

The truth is that for many people, the initial response to a stressor is to try to do something about it. After all, trying to get yourself out from underneath anxiety and stress seem like good survival tactics.

But, sometimes despite our best intentions, we may not be able to change life’s circumstances. In tough situations like these, acceptance is an option to consider. 

What Does it Mean to Accept Things As They Are?

Accepting things as they are refers to allowing oneself to experience the reality of the present moment without fighting it. When acceptance occurs, the mind disengages from the process of trying to control or change a situation or outcome.

In other words, it means to accept what is true now, rather than focusing on the alternatives to the circumstances. Acceptance is acknowledging your feelings that you wish things could be different without taking direct action to change what is.

Take a moment to consider that the opposites of acceptance are denial, refusal, opposition, rejection, and disapproval. What happens to our mind, body, and spirit, when we operate from this stance?

What typically happens is a complicated tangle of emotional, cognitive, behavioral, and physical experiences.

Consequences of Non-Accepting

More often than not, focusing our energy on things that we can’t control creates stress and increases anxiety. We may become more worried, unsettled, and anxious when solutions to life’s difficulties are not readily available.

Emotional

When we struggle with accepting things as they are now and today, it can lead to many different emotions. Examples include fear, anxiety, confusion, denial, loss, resistance, bitterness, anger, grief, frustration, despair, hopelessness, helplessness, unconfident, depressed, unmotivated, etc.

A common response for many people is to want to get rid of difficult and complex emotions. But, when we ignore emotions and trudge forward with trying to control everything, we don’t get very far.

Oftentimes, these efforts are futile and lead to even more complex emotions such as disappointment. Without healthy and positive outlets for emotional expression, this can be overwhelming and extremely tough.

Accepting our own feelings is one of the first steps in the process of learning how to accept things as they are. Creating some space to be mindful and accepting of our own inner experiences and emotions helps mitigate stress.

Cognitive

The brain brain naturally tries to process and make sense of the difficult circumstances we face. Instead of accepting things we can’t change, the mind can become overly preoccupied with thoughts.

Attention shifts to conjuring up scenarios of fantasy, wishful thinking, or rehearsing or rethinking the past. All this means is that the attention needed to focus on the reality of the present moment diminishes.

The way we think narrows and it is very easy to start only focusing on the negative aspects of life. This leads to getting stuck in unhelpful thought patterns. For example, thinking about what you could have been keeps you thinking about the past.

Thinking about what could be has you thinking about the future. And thinking about what should be gets the mind focused on high expectations that may or may not be fulfilled.

Overthinking and rumination leads to anxiety and depression as well as other mental health concerns. The opposite happens when we accept things as they are.

Accepting things as they are frees up mental space. Instead of trying to work through an unsolvable problem, shift attention only to things that are within your control. 

Behavioral

Difficulty with acceptance also shows up in our behaviors toward ourselves and others. Certain behaviors lead to persistent struggle and lack of advancements in relationships, work, health and other areas of life.

For example, imagine a scenario in which a person experiences difficulty accepting that a partner is no longer compatible. Efforts are made to maintain something that is not enjoyable rather than facing the reality and moving forward.

The behavioral response here would be that of inaction. Staying in a relationship that no longer serves them. It is indeed challenging to face the sadness and uncertainty of leaving. Wanting to avoid this rather than accept it is understandable. But, how will this influence one’s life in the long-run?

Another behavioral scenario is worrying. Many people are surprised to learn that worrying is a behavior. Worrying may feel like a natural response to a stressor. But worrying can also be a sign of anxiety and be overwhelming to deal with.

For example, consider a situation in which you are worried about an adult family member and their life choices. You have given them advice, expressed your concern, and still, they make choices that trouble you. 

In this scenario, worrying will make you feel much worse. You may experience anxiety symptoms of irritability, trouble concentrating, feeling on edge, heart palpitations, nervousness, etc. While you can’t change another person’s actions, you can change your own.

Accepting things as they are will allow you to choose healthy behaviors. You may choose to focus less on wishing things were different.

Redirect to engaging in behaviors and actions that will nourish and support your health and personal growth. Choose actions that help you build confidence in yourself and others, putting the mind in a less anxious state.

Physical

The body reacts to our emotional and mental processes. This is because of a very strong mind and body connection. Stress in the body will manifest itself in various ways.

Examples include reduced energy, muscle tension, sleep disturbance, appetite disturbance, anxiety, depression, and physical pain. 

Accepting things you can’t change can help to alleviate both mental and physical discomfort. For example, the moment you accept things as they are, tension is released and stress dissipates.

Your energy reserves are used elsewhere where it is needed in the body, such as to other metabolic processes. You may notice feeling less weighted down, less irritable, less on edge, and less nervous. Another result is to feel more relaxed and experience of improved sleep. 

Is Accepting Things As They Are the Same Thing as Ignoring Problems?

Accepting things as they are does not mean lying to yourself or pretending the problem doesn’t exist. Acceptance is not the same thing as turning a blind eye to problems in your life.

It also does not mean ignoring your thoughts and desires. It does not mean ignoring your physical and emotional needs.

One must be able to exercise good and proper judgment in the process of acceptance. Discernment is needed to decide what is healthy and acceptable in your life and what is not. You deserve a good life. Anything that threatens your safety is not acceptable.

Furthermore, accepting things as they are does not mean tolerating disrespect and maltreatment from others. It is also not accepting and engaging in self-harm, self-sabotage, self-loathing, and other unhelpful behaviors. These are signs of something else going on within. 

You deserve to get to the bottom of these things and figure out healthier options. Ignoring these problems does not make them go away. Knowing when you need help and support is a strength. And choosing to face your problems is courageous.

Theacceptance discussed in this writing refers to things out of your control. There are many problems that are within our control. Feel empowered to change what you can if there is room for improvement and wellbeing.

How to Accept Things As They Are?

Let Go of Resistance

Swimming against a rip current and trying to resist being pulled into the ocean only makes escape efforts worse. The key to getting out alive is to swim sideways, or parallel to the current.

In other words,  moving with the current rather than resisting is what gets you through adversity and to safety. How does this apply to acceptance?

Typically, what we resist will persist. The more we want to avoid, ignore, and resist difficult emotions and situations, the more they stick around.

Resistance means opposition or to fight against. This is the very opposite of accepting things as they are. Fighting reality is a sure way to get stuck.

Therefore, in order to begin moving forward and help ourselves through discomfort, we must be willing to try new strategies. Letting go of resistance, being open-minded, leaning in and taking things as they come can bring the calmness you need.

Acknowledge Suffering is Part of the Human Experience

You are not alone in your suffering. Though it feels this way sometimes. The truth is that everybody has something that they worry about. Something they wish they can control or change. Whether the situation is in the past, present or future.

Most people have experienced some level of grief and loss in their lives. But, social media often paints the perfect picture of perfect people with perfect lives.

Many people put on a smile and don’t always share the hardships they are going through. Shame and guilt often take over and cause people to shy away from the truth. Unless your friend blurts out, “I actually hate my job!”, would you have known that?

A neighbor with cancer, a friend that had a car accident, a brother that recently lost their job, etc. We all know someone that is going through immense difficulty and tragedy. The reality that we are all going through something can slip our minds when we are in our own moments of sorrow and duress.

But, the truth is that you are not alone. Even when there is no one closely related that can know your suffering. Someone in the world has gone through or is experiencing the same things you are at this very moment.

Accepting That You Are Human

Suffering is something that joins all humans together. It crosses all cultures, race, social class, financial status, health status, etc. Some difficulties are necessary as they build character and shape our lives.

Difficult emotions are also necessary and part of the human condition. We often want everything to feel great and happy. But, experiencing other types of emotions shift us into deeper understanding of ourselves, those around us, and our environment.

Feelings of sadness, anxiety, and disappointment sometimes help us to grow personally. They push us to develop new skills, insights, and understanding.

Learning how to accept things as they are will involve staying in touch with your humanness. Humans are flawed, make mistakes, and don’t have full control of everything. Embracing this aspect of humanness is part of the journey of life.

Identify Pros and Cons of Maintaining Your Stance

Struggling to accept things as they are indicates that you are invested in a particular outcome. But why? What are the benefits? What do you have to gain? What do you have to lose?

For example, is resistance hurting you or propelling you in the direction that you would like to be in? Is the need for control protecting against feelings of helplessness, failure, or complacency? Or is it increasing anxiety and frustration?

Perhaps even highlight deep rooted fears or unmet needs. This writing exercise will give you something to work with as you figure out how to move forward.

Get Unstuck from Perfectionism

A perfectionist mind always wants things to work out perfectly or as close to perfect as humanly possible. Many people that identify as perfectionists also identify as organized, great problem solvers, forward thinking, and planners.

Perfectionists put a great effort into most things and are good at considering all options before finally settling on something. To accept things as they are and come to terms with things not going according to plan is particularly challenging for perfectionists.

It can bring up anxiety, feelings of guilt, failure, or not being good enough. Dealing with emotions of having fallen short of a goal is hard to swallow. 

It is especially hard if you blame yourself for anything that goes wrong. And see things gone wrong as a reflection of personal inadequacy. This can lead down a road of self-criticism and difficulty with self-acceptance. 

One strategy that can help is to identify anytime you may have a rigid mindset. For example, such as when one is tied only to one specific outcome. Oftentimes, with perfectionism, it is the best outcome.

Allow the mind to practice flexibility and venture away from rigid black and white thinking to a gray area. In fact, most things live in a gray area and in this area live flexibility, uncertainty, and variability. And that this is ok.

Remind yourself that not everything has to be perfect. Sometimes things that are 80% good, are still good. Taking things as they come involves letting go of the desire to be perfect. Remind yourself that not everything has to be perfect.

Use Affirmations of Acceptance

Affirmations are phrases or statements that assist you with connecting with a positive, supportive part of yourself.

Affirmations can help to validate the difficulties associated with acceptance. They also remind of our inner strengths and abilities to care for ourselves and stay strong.

Use phrases of affirmation throughout the day, and especially in moments where you identify feelings of resistance. Below are a few examples.

Examples of Affirmations of Acceptance:

• I accept things as they are in the present moment
• I can care for myself during difficult times
• I accept all of my emotions
• I accept myself as I am
• I am doing the best I can with what I have
• I acknowledge and accept life’s challenges
• I have inner strength to accept things I can’t change
• I accept that change is a natural part of life

The best affirmations are the ones that resonate most with you. You can create your own positive statements that affirm your personal emotions and experiences. Doing so can add a much needed sense of comfort. 

Many people find it helpful to write down the affirmations and read them daily. Saying affirmations of acceptance out loud to yourself can help reinforce the practice.

Stay Encouraged

Part of dealing with anxiety and difficult life circumstances is maintaining a positive mindset. Staying encouraged and hopeful that even though things are uncomfortable now, there is still a future of possibility ahead.

The future may hold something new. Something that will make our acceptance work worth it in the end. Practicing acceptance can help in a variety of life stages. For yourself or for others.

For example, consider a grandparent helping a young child to come to terms with disappointment with losing a soccer game. There is a balance of advice on how to deal with the current heartache. But, a grandparent would also help a young child stay encouraged.

They will do better next time. There is nothing you can do about the current status of the game or how you played today. But, next year’s soccer season is another opportunity. In short, accepting things as they are helps us to move forward, keep looking ahead, and hope for better.

When struggling with acceptance, remind yourself that things may look and feel bad now. But don’t allow yourself to be convinced that things will always be this way. Some things in life are temporary such as disappointment and fear.

When the situation is permanent, accepting things you can’t change at all requires more compassion. Speak gently and kindly to yourself. It is rough enough having a loss or dealing with a permanent issue that is undesired or uncontrollable. 

For example, being laid off your job after having put in many years of hard work and dedication. You can’t get your job back. But, you can stay hopeful and encouraged that there is something else down the pike just for you.

Anxiety Therapy in New York

Feel free to each out or schedule an appointment for support with accepting things as they are and anxiety management. Therapy and counseling services are available to New York State residents.